Schmearch

Pittsburg, PA - In a landmark deal today, Google furthered their goal of organizing the world’s information by acquiring the United States Central Intelligence Agency.

“I didn’t know the ol’ CIA was for sale,” said a squinty-eyed George W. Bush outside his Crawford, TX ranch,  “but turns out the Google searched online and found it on eBay.  So we kinda had to sell it to them.”

“This is really cool,” gushed Sergey Brin. ”Now we can all search for the weapons of mass destruction on Google.  We believe that by democratizing what was previously ’secret’ information, the truth will win out, and people will be able to decide for themselves what’s right and wrong.  That makes for a more ideal society.”

Notable opponents to the deal include Bill O’Reilly, Geraldo Rivera, and Dennis Miller.

“Google’s like some kind of Fred Hiroshi in this thing,” said Dennis Miller.  “It’s like Space Cowboys 1978 all over again, but with a more Nietzsche-esque sort of tenor.”

As usual, no one knew what the hell Miller was talking about, and this time people were tired of looking up his references, so he was ignored.

Michael Arrington of TechCrunch discussed the move in a podcast with internet celebrity Robert Scoble.

“I think Google’s new Terrorist Search is interesting,” said Arrington.

“I’m going to talk about it on FriendFeed,” said Scoble.

“Interesting,” said Arrington.

Response from the Search Marketing community is mixed, with some feeling that this move will make all searches essentially Black Hat.

“This is unprecedented,” said Danny Sullivan. “We’re not supposed to know this stuff, and here we’re going to be able to search it.  I think white hat searchers shouldn’t use it.  Frankly, I expected more of Google.”

Matt Cutts was nearly unavailable for comment, as he was forced to deal with an emergency spate of what appeared to be search engine spam from terrorists.  He did contribute this, however: “Google’s move is what we’re all about.  But it’s going to make my job a lot harder.  It turns out that terrorist spammers don’t mind losing entire websites if they have to- I’m calling it Suicide Google Bombing.”